I recently read a blog post that discussed why a woman looked down on young wives and mother and was not sorry. Throughout reading her post all I could think to myself was who is she watching be a wife and mother to think that it is average and not celebratory? Has she gone in and watched a woman go through the agonizing pain of pregnancy and labor? Has she been in the room when her and her husband are arguing and watched them battle through and come back together as husband and wife? If she stepped into a stay at home moms shoes, she would know its more than laundry and dishes, its more than settling instead of actually accomplishing something, and I for one feel sorry for her.
At 26 years old, I had a masters degree from the University of Florida, with an undergraduate degree in marketing and public relations. At 27 I decided to go back and also get my Masters in Accounting and begin studying for the CPA exam. I never desired to be a stay at home mom, but I did desire to get married and share my life with another person, had I decided to settle, I would have married the first guy that crossed my path, but I didn’t.
Many people like this woman if they were to meet me know would not know my accomplishments before I had my baby girl, because they assume because I am a stay at home mom, I have given up on ambition and dreams and desires to do anything with my life outside of laundry. I commend women who work, whether single, married with no children, or married with children, I think that no matter what, work is work and it is hard, but guess what, so is being a stay at home mom. I envy my friends who do go to work, because they are getting a break from the craziness of their house, and no not because my housework is all I do and my husband doesn’t help, my husband comes home every day and helps with a huge majority of the housework, I envy them because they get away from the occasional tantrum, the crawling into things, the feeling of am I doing everything I can for my child. I am a stay at home mom because I want to train my child, I want to help her grow, I want to be there for every laugh, every smile, the first time she sits up, the first time she speaks, walks, for every last milestone. Guess what I have done the whole going to Europe and getting the cultural experience, I have graduated with three amazing degrees from three great schools, I have gotten a wonderful job and gotten a promotion at that job and while every last bit of that was so amazing and made me feel great about myself, none of it was like seeing my baby girl for the very first time.
Let me explain something to the women who think marriage and childbirth is average and everyone does it, its not that walking down the isle moment and the getting pregnant moment that matters, it is everything after that, and that is far from average, that is hard work everyday for the rest of your life, why do you think there is a such a high divorce rate, BECAUSE ITS HARD. My husband and I fight, that is the easy part, its coming together in love and speaking to each other and talking through things that is difficult. I had a miserable pregnancy, was pre-eclamptic, had an 83 labor before a c-section and then FINALLY got to meet my baby girl, yes that sounds simple enough. I am in charge everyday of taking care of another life, making sure she is healthy. I am the healer of boo boo’s the person who helps teach her what the word no is, helps her lean new things like how to talk, her ABC’s and later the person who will help her with homework. I would give my life for this baby girl over and over again. I will teach her the value of that college education, the study abroad experience and the benefit of hard work a good job and making yourself a success, but make no mistake I will also teach her the joys of being a wife and mother.
I have plenty of time, mobility and freedom to continue to pursue my goals and ambitions and believe that unless you have stepped into the shoes of a mom, working or not, you have no idea what you are saying, because I was one of those people who assumed things and now am eating my words. We complain sometimes, yes, because guess what that is what women and even men sometimes do, we are human. We complain about jobs, our boyfriends, our professor, our parents, so what makes it different just because I am a wife and mother. Spend a day with a stay at home mom or working mom and realize her life is more than that laundry piling up in the laundry room, it is so much more. I will never compare what I do to a doctor, teacher, nurse, lawyer, engineer or any other profession, because guess what, every profession is different, every job is different and important, so how can you feel like you can compare any of those jobs to mine when you have no idea the work that I do. Some stay at home moms actually do work as well from the home, but are still considered a stay at home mom, it’s not a death sentence.
I chose the life of a stay at home mom, when my kids start school, I will go back to work, but you can bet I will be the one dropping them off and picking them up from school everyday because I want to be involved in their life, the sports they play, the friends they have and still be able to see all those firsts. Wives and mothers, whether they work or not, didn’t give up on anything, they chose a very difficult path that will be something they work on until the day they die.
I will never say that being a wife and mother is for everyone, because it isn’t, if you aren’t willing to work hard at it, realize there will be days you want to pull your hair out, days you wish you could back out of everything, days you sit on the floor holding your child, crying wondering why you cant console her, days you just cant handle, then its definitely not for you, because before wife and mom, I could pick up and leave at anytime, it was easy, now my life is far from easy, far from perfect and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.