Its so funny to me how when you have a kid, this is supposed to be such an amazing and happy time. Sure its a sleepless time where you are covered in spit up and poop so much you usually walk around in shorts and a sports bra, but hey even with those bags under your eyes and that stench of spit up or poop (not quite sure which one sometimes) its still a beautiful time, until the opinions start to come out.
For us the opinions started while I was pregnant, the ones of “I cannot believe you are going to have an epidural and put drugs into your baby” or “You are taking medicine while pregnant? Don’t you know what that will do to your kid?” Why yes, yes I do, my doctor told me what it will do, NOTHING, which is why he prescribed it because trust me this morning sickness is so bad if I don’t take this I will be in the same pjs until I give birth. At some point I just stopped saying anything back and would nod my head but good gracious the grief we began to get after we had Demi. I will never forget the first time someone was absolutely appalled that I had a c-section, like I had done sort of disservice to my child. I just wanted to scream “Lady, I had been in labor for 83 hours and was still only 3.5 cm, at that point what am I supposed to do?” My daughters heart rate was dropping, as was mine, they had me on oxygen and on top of that I was pre-eclamptic, had high levels of uric acid and toxemia, at what point is it ok for a woman to have a c-section and not be judged?
Breastfeeding was another big one, where people assumed that I didn’t try hard enough or take enough action with the lactation nurse, and I wasn’t giving my daughter the best shot at a good immune system. Yeah, I had gained well over 100lbs during my pregnancy, had been in the hospital 5 extra days after Demi was born with lactation nurses and when I got home was suffering from post-pardum so badly that it was making me resent my child for not latching and making me feel like I was a complete and utter failure for not being able to breastfeed my daughter.
Those two situations alone were enough to make me go crazy, I won’t even get started on the fact that I vaccinate my child and my husband works for a pharmaceutical company so that makes us all sorts of evil, but I digress. At what point did moms feel the need to become so judgmental and so condescending over the way someone is taking care of their child, or the medical procedures we choose to have. Now that Michael and I are thinking about baby number 2, the fact that I am not even willing to give a natural birth a thought after what I went through makes some moms cringe, and all I want to say is “you know what makes me cringe, natural birth. Please enjoy the labor I had and see if you are so willing to jump on that crazy train again.”
While I do have this awesome support system of a few moms who I love dearly and do life with as much as possible, its the moms that I don’t even know or the ones you haven’t seen in forever on social media that make you feel completely inadequate. Its like this whole social media thing has made people who would not be this confrontational in public all the sudden feel like they can scream their beliefs from the rooftops with the ability to hide behind their keyboard.
This whole being a mom thing shouldn’t be something where we feel condemnation or like we are failing because of our life choices with our children or how we gave birth to our children, because we all have this one major, absolutely beautiful thing in common… we are doing what we each think is best for our child and making sure we are doing everything we can to make sure they grow up happy, healthy and loved. Vaccinations, C-Sections, Natural Birth, No Vaccines, Breast Feeding, Formula, SAHM, Working Mom, it doesn’t matter the title, the choice or the belief, we should be able to surround each other with love and support for one another, not bashing and berating thinking that will suddenly make them come around to your way of thinking, because it won’t. As my husband and I sit here thinking about me re-entering the workforce, I am terrified of the inevitable responses of how a daycare is going to raise my child, or she must not be my priority that I know friends have heard, and as I started thinking about that, I wondered why we have become so callous to one another.
I am far from perfect. I mess up all the time, numerous times a day. Whether its the realization that I have been doing dishes and its been quiet too long only to find my poop covered 14 month old dancing in the living room playing with her dirty diaper, or realizing that those aren’t puffs she is eating but the dogs food, we should be able to come together, laugh, support, love and vent to each other about the every day craziness that are the little minions we call our children. No one understands what it is to be a mom better than other moms, and if we can’t go to other moms with our fears, tears, joys and excitement without views, opinions and judgements being shoved down our throat, who can we turn to? There is hardly a greater joy in this world that I have experienced then that slightly crazy, constantly gabbing, kitchen wrecking, Lonely Island loving, daredevil 14 month old we have loving dubbed the CEO of our house. Why not share in that joy with others who feel the same about their kid, may think a little differently than you and do things different as well, but hey you have one amazingly beautiful thing in common if nothing else, we are all moms!